


Scar(r)ed and Alone

by Bunsandpups



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter/Funhaus RPF
Genre: Dissociation, Sequel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-21
Updated: 2015-10-21
Packaged: 2018-04-27 09:36:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,695
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5043223
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bunsandpups/pseuds/Bunsandpups
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ryan deals with the aftermath of what happened that night; it's real, whether he believes it or not. (Sequel to I'll Have My Way With You.) (TW for forced hospitalization)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Scar(r)ed and Alone

            Ryan shivered, feeling incredibly cold. He didn’t know where he was, and he couldn’t quite figure out why or how he got there.

            “Guys?” There was no response. He tried again. “Guys, are you there?” Still nothing.

            He stood and paced the room. Something told him the door wouldn’t open, although he couldn’t remember how or why he knew that. Something else nagged at the back of his brain that this was very, very wrong. Hadn’t they just been here a few minutes ago? They were having _fun_ , weren’t they? He remembered laughing, and being near Michael…

            The thought of Michael’s name made Ryan’s stomach churn. It took a moment, but the memories of what happened came flooding back. In some ways, Ryan wanted that loving relationship back. In other ways, he was glad he got out. He was also eternally grateful that Michael had been kicked out of the company a few days ago.

            “Hey, is anybody out there?” A soft voice floated through the crack in the bottom of the door this time in response to Ryan’s demands.

            “Please stop screaming. You’re going to be perfectly fine in there, and your friends will be back for visitation later in the week. This is the second time you’ve done this, Mr. Haywood. Please stop resisting our treatment.” The person sounded tired, like they hadn’t slept in a week.

            Ryan kept quiet after that, thinking about what he’d heard for a long time. Visitation meant he wasn’t at home, although the room was clearly too small and barren to be something he would normally live in. Where was he, then? This wasn’t a regular hospital, he was sure of that. The rooms were too quiet, too still.

            Hours later, it seemed, someone came by to deliver a hot meal to him. She seemed pleasant enough, but Ryan couldn’t help frowning when he saw the way the building looked outside of the room. The woman with his food misinterpreted.

            “Mr. Haywood, it’s okay. I know you don’t like having your meals delivered instead of having social time, but if you behave well you can be social. It’s just going to take a little time, is all.” He wanted to ask what she meant, but the food smelled good enough to distract him.

            It was a simple meal; corn on the cob, chicken nuggets, an orange slice, and some water. Ryan was halfway through the small ear of corn before he realized that this was entirely a meal without utensils. _How odd. Don’t they trust me to use a fork and knife?_

            He left the tray on the table and gave it back to the nurse when she came around to inform him that it was lights out, and she’d be waking him up early tomorrow for his one-on-one session. Maybe then he could get answers.

            He slept peacefully, though his dreams left him a little disturbed. He kept dreaming of being abandoned by the other members of Achievement Hunter. After the last dream, he sat up and rubbed his eyes. A shower sounded nice.

            The small bathroom joined to his bedroom didn’t lock, but the hot water soothed him and made everything feel a little more like home. The warmth was still clinging to his skin as he dressed, turning toward the door when the nurse came in with someone.

            “This is the resident psychiatrist. He’ll be talking to you about what happened, okay?” Ryan paled a little. Psychiatrist? Did he need medication? What was going on?

            The specifics of the conversation were lost on him as they spoke. Possibilities of different types of therapy floated around his brain as he tried to piece together what he could. He was there because of a “psychotic break,” but he felt fine. He was mostly just confused as to what could have possibly happened to land him here. Had he hit his head and then forgotten who and where he was? It was possible, but unlikely. Something in the back of his mind reminded him of feeling numb and empty, inside and outside. The sensation of moving through air like it was water came back to him, heavy and tiring. _What happened to me?_

            He smiled pleasantly at the doctor and waved goodbye when he left. The nurse came by to inform him of guests in a couple of hours, and Ryan was relieved to have the chance to talk to his coworkers and figure out what happened.

            The hours passed by slowly, and Ryan quickly got bored with organizing the meager belongings he had here. The only thing to read was a novel he’d hated, but he wondered if the others found it tossed aside in his car and assumed he would want it. Anxiety washed over him, making him feel numb. What if they were angry with him, and they’d put him in here just because they could?

            He was still grappling with that thought when a nurse led him into a room with the other three members of Achievement Hunter. He said something pleasant before leaving Ryan with the other men, watching patiently through a small window. He couldn’t hear anything; instead he was there to supervise in case something happened and Ryan needed to be removed.

            “How’re you doing?” Geoff’s tone was very careful, as if he was afraid of Ryan shattering into a million pieces. For some reason, that upset Ryan.

            “Where am I, how did I get here, and why am I here?” The words started out a little harsher than Ryan had wanted, but he _needed_ the answers to these questions if he was going to be okay.

            “You’re in an asylum.” Gavin broke the silence, and Ryan looked at him with confusion. “You… We found you, out there… with Michael.”

            Ryan furrowed his brow. What had happened with Michael? _I don’t remember seeing Michael since the--_. He cut his own thought off, trying not to go down that road. His coworkers didn’t know, and he wasn’t sure he wanted them to.

            “It was about a week ago.  We found you out in the middle of nowhere.” Jack’s voice was soft and patient. Ryan had to really think hard to remember what happened. As the memories came flooding back, he felt nauseous. Had he really gone that far, had he really done what he’d only dreamed of so many nights before that one?

            “Don’t worry about the body.” Geoff’s response was still soft, but this time it was rushed and almost automatic. “We took care of that once you were here. We just told them you had a psychotic break. We didn’t want to lose you, too.”

            A minute or two of silence passed between all of them. Ryan started fidgeting with his shirt. What was he supposed to say? Thank you?

            “Why did you do it, Ryan?” Gavin seemed to be trying to understand; his voice was burdened with pain. “Why did you do that to Michael?”

            “I…” Ryan choked on the words. Would they believe what had happened to him? Michael and Ryan seemed to be so close in the office; would they understand that Ryan had been faking for months, that he knew the real monster Michael had been?

            He took a deep breath and attempted to speak again. “Michael and I were together, one night, and um…” _Fuck, it doesn’t get easier to admit it with time_. He paused, biting his lip. He didn’t want to break into pieces in front of them. “We um… We were getting really close, and stuff, and he wanted to go a little far. I said I wasn’t comfortable with it, I said I wanted to stop…”

            Gavin made a noise of disgust in the back of his throat. Geoff and Jack shot him a look, but he ignored it. “Are you seriously implying what I think you’re implying?”

            Ryan flinched at the words. He hadn’t expected immediate support, but he hadn’t been ready for such a wholehearted _rejection_ that he would be telling the truth. “I… Yeah. Yeah I am, Gavin. He held me down, told me he would take what he wanted, and he did. He raped me.” The words were almost impossibly quiet, but Ryan had said them. It was progress.

            Gavin stood up, looking like he was ready to scream. Jack seemed neutral as he collected Gavin and the two of them left. Geoff sat across from Ryan, looking pensive. That was, perhaps, the worst. Ryan couldn’t read anything into Geoff’s expression except curiosity and perhaps a little confusion.

            “Is that why you did it? Be honest. Is that why you did this?” Ryan couldn’t speak, so he nodded to answer Geoff’s question. He couldn’t look Geoff in the eye—what if he left, too?

            Ryan was pleasantly surprised to feel a soft hand on his shoulder. The words came back, easier this time. “I didn’t… I thought it was a dream. None of that feels… real. I barely remember it, Geoff. I just remember thinking about it for days and weeks and months, almost praying that something else would happen to him, so he’d _go away_.” Tears were slipping past Ryan’s eyes now, and he didn’t know what to do.

            Geoff squeezed his shoulder lightly. “For now, you’re stuck here.” He seemed genuinely apologetic. “Don’t worry about Gavin or Jack; I’ll talk to them and make them understand what happened. Just… Just do the best you can, okay? I don’t think we can come back for a while, until they’ve figured everything out. But you can call.” Geoff added the last sentence as he watched Ryan’s face fall.

            “Okay.” The agreement was weak, numb. Ryan didn’t feel much of anything right now, except maybe that “air is water” sensation from before. He said his goodbyes to Geoff and wandered back after the nurse, vaguely feeling like this was all a terrible nightmare. _Maybe they’ll let me go soon. Maybe no one will ever find out about what happened_. Something inside him, though, filled with dread. _Maybe they see you just like you saw me_. The thought was in Michael’s voice. That, more than anything, frightened Ryan.

**Author's Note:**

> Some of this is somewhat accurate based on experiences I've had. Writing these two fics made me confront a fair amount of dark things.  
> I hope you enjoyed the story, or at least got a little comfort from it if you've been in a dark place, too.


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